Dear Sammy (You were so brave last night)

Sammy and Marcel (after Mama C neatened up the hair)/ Mama C and the Boys

Dear Sammy,

Since I know Grampy loves to read the blog in the morning-I thought I’d write this post to you-for after your morning donut and cartoons on the couch. For before you take off on some fantastic adventure with your grandparents! I just wanted to write to you and remind you that: you were so brave last night.

Sleeping at Grammy and Grampy’s– without Mommy or Marcel there–now that takes courage.

Asking Grammy to call me one more time, with  your full heart, and tired out body, to tell me that you missed me too–that was such a strong thing to do! Letting the tears flow, so your body could settle-how powerful to be able to listen to all of you like that!

And Sam, when I sang Swing Low to you over the phone, I could feel you in my arms- and I imagined it was my hand rubbing your back. Your body became so calm, and I heard your breathing quiet. I was right there. Like I’ll be tonight too!

Remember last week when you launched yourself on the flying Taco at the water park–something I was too scared to even approach? You amazed me with your I know I can just like that again last night.

OK enough mommying! Go have another donut, (yes I said you could have TWO) watch some more cartoons, keep Grammy and Grampy on their toes, and don’t forget your hair!

I love you Lamby, and so does your little brother!

Mama and Marcel

PS–when I asked Marcel if he had a good night last night he said; “I would have had more fun even if I didn’t miss my brother so much!”

The best stocking stuffer-EVER

a page from Sam's lifebook

The nurse insisted that I have his picture taken, with him inside it.  I was too scared to let anyone touch him, let alone stuff him a big old stocking a volunteer had made for the new mommies at the hospital. The new mommies, the relinquishing ones, the adoptive ones…

That was six years ago.

Tomorrow Sam turns six. I got the call that he had been born, at about 4:45am.  I had woken about ninety seconds after he was born, and sat straight up. He and I like to believe, I could hear his newborn cry from across the country, and into my waiting heart.

On Monday, Sam pulled that stocking off of the wall, and shoved it into his backpack. He took it to school to show his friends. I don’t know what he told them. It was nice for once- not to play twenty questions. He used to say he was born in there.

What I love is that his birth story is so everyday normal to him. He was born, after an uneventful two hour labor, and Tea his first mom, got to love on him for twenty-six hours until we (my dear friend Ronda and I) arrived three snow storms later.

Marcel holding Sam's stocking.

Tea called him “Fatso,” and said that he was so big he was “scaring all the other babies in the nursery.” This is all part of his lore, his umbilical story. That he now says he was born in that stocking fits right in.

Honestly our becoming a family, totally eclipses Christmas for me. I covet moments with Sam-and alone-to look at the album from that trip, to relive all that sweet new mama terror and joy.