Five years ago tomorrow Marcel was born.
Last night I was looking for a little outfit for the birthday boy at Target. I was drawn towards a pair of pants that were size 5T. On that same rack were a pair of identical pants, fashioned for a child who wears size 3 months. I held one in each hand, almost as high as my chin and started to get a little choked up. Then I heard the waves of preschooler’s past crashing down over me, as I saw the perfect top to go with the pants, over there, on the other side of the aisle. Over there, in a size “extra small boys”.
There I stood in the middle, holding one piece of clothing from each side, and both will fit him beautifully. There I stood in a mini mommy meltdown, poised between the past, present, and future.
Infancy, toddlerhood, preschooler. Done. Kindergartener, school age, and beyond is here, and awaits.
The nursing tops, the pacifiers, the pullups, the krincklee toys, the lullabye CD’s are in her cart, the woman next to me looking at the 12 month pants, not mine.
Marcel is a little boy. Marcel wakes into his five year old self full on tomorrow.
Before bed he said; “Mommy being five is a little like being four still, but is a little like being five too. Five is exciting, but it scares me when I worry if I won’t be able to read as well as other five year olds before my birthday is over tomorrow. ” Oh baby, we have to help you relax a bit huh?
Soon a post dedicated to the marvel that is all of you baby. But for tonight, I’ll get back to putting more of these precious baby pictures on the wall under the streamers, your drawings, and my sweet memories of holding your little body against mine for the very first time, finally, four years and three hundred sixty four days ago. Taking a moment here to sit with that feeling in my body, is such tender bliss.