This morning I cancelled or rather postponed indefinitely the trip to meet Sam’s birth/first mom in two weeks.
There are things you can write about, and things you can’t. It is so hard for me not to share the layers of this story.
And, maybe the journey we were supposed to make across the country- we made right here-this time. We made a journey closer to each other in ways that were entirely unexpected, painful, and remarkable all at once.
We found the outer edges of our shared capacity. We are now making our way back to the middle. I am Sam and Marcel’s mom. I am also Catherine who has her own needs and limits. It was too much for me to imagine going through any of what we have been living here, alone in a hotel across the country for even a day, let alone several of them. I have given myself the courageous (but feels so cowardly) task of saying, this is just too much for us today.
I could give you a thousand reasons why I thought going was the right thing to do.
I am going to give you three reasons why not going at this time is the better thing to do: Sam, Marcel, me.
Thank you all for your support of us every step of the way. Please understand if I don’t comment, or write much for a little bit. I need to regroup, and help us back into the center.
Revised: It was suggested by one of the donors that I keep the money in an account for when we do make the trip, or perhaps to offer Tea a ticket to come visit us if and when she would like. However I fully understand if you don’t want to have your contribution be included in that account. So I am fully prepared to refund your contribution if you made one, and would like it back. To do so please email me here: firstname.lastname@example.org. I am going to get 80% of the airfare back, and maybe 80% of the prepaid-nonrefundable–hotel.