[Insert yelling me here]
Me: I am not a good mommy when I am this tired. I need more sleep, and exercise.
Marcel: Just try to use your words better, and don’t be so grumpy. You promised.
The above quote is pretty accurate summary of the last week. I feel like I am my own worst enemy when I feel like this.
Then last night I had three near fainting spells after an acupuncture session for a wildly stubborn case of plantar fasciitis that has been plaguing me for four months. I am a runner, and have been for nearly 20+ years. Not running=toxicity to my brain and body. All of this reveals itself as me doing a whole lot of things, and none of them very well. Ever been there?
Oh and I start screaming a lot.
A dear friend intervened with a membership at the local Y for a month to get me and the boys some swim and play time. And all I could think of (before, say,”thank you” ) was; “But how the hell will I organize that?” Another sign that my veggie burger is cooked, and I need to scale back. The very thing that will make me feel better is offered on a silver platter and I run in the other direction screaming?
How do you recognize when you are this out of whack? And what is the first thing you do to find your reset button? When you look at a weekend as; “Wow this is going to take it out of me…” you know you need to find that button soon.
I exist in parallel with you. I’ve been struggling all week with a cold, only sporadically doing my regular sunrise walk around the island, and feeling pretty angry at everything, (and at myself for feeling angry), in a foggy, rumbling sort of way. I identify perfectly with your metaphor of the reset button, trying to figure out where the damn thing is. And now I remember how it works, from reading your post, in contemplating it, that I just need o surrender to my situation. I’ve been fighting it all week, and I think that is what is causing most of my anger and frustration. In speaking from your heart and describing your own difficult place, you have provided me with the pointer I needed to pull myself out of the thick, languid goo that has shrouded me this week, and for that I thank you. Be well. Your honesty and your love for yourself and your boys is your reset button.
Ah surrender. It works. Yes. And that is my reset button, damn it. Harumpff. I mean, exhale. Yes.
Maggie Steivatter, a YA author with a popular blog says never to blog when you are drunk, sick or tired. Your blog is great and you blog daily which, I KNOW!, is a lot of work. Maybe you can scale the posting back to 3x a week? Maybe Marcel and Sammy can write their posts for Marcel Monday and Sammy Saturday? Can you take Sunday off? or Fridays? Fridays are my lowest traffic days followed by Sat. Can you change to Sammy Sunday and lose Sat?
Also, can you car pool more? Does the Y have built in childcare if one of your boys doesn’t want or have an activity at the gym? Also, have you tried yoga? This has been really helpful for me to get more balanced. I like Vinyasa/Power Yoga which you might like as a runner.
HA! Should I take that as a hint? Truth is, I am super glad I posted this, because I think I come across as this robot sometimes who can always “do it all” which add to this predicament sometimes too.
And I have been thinking about your suggestions for ways to do it differently all day. Thank you–and for always checking in. I so appreciate it.
I think we all go through these moment, but there are weeks when it becomes overwhelming. I’ve been running on fumes for a few months now, trying to work both part- and full-time jobs. Then yesterday at my full-time job, fate stepped in to calm my life. I’m down to a part-time job again and while I spent much of last night crying in my bed, I believe next week will be a better week and I will be a better mom.
I agree with Pragmatic Mom… give something else like yoga or swimming a try until your feet are ready to be ran on again.
I’m amazed, and pleased for you how you turned that HARD moment/reality around. Yes to the mantra of next week being better and a better mom…Keep us posted on that shift for you?.
I feel ya. That reset button can be very elusive at times. This week has had hold of me as well. Funny because I actually started the week by telling myself that I’d breathe, I’d include myself in it, you know, other than the good old “being present for others”, and still, I failed at this week sigh…
I think you should make the Y a mandatory path to wellness. At least for one month Mama, or part of the month. What ever you can muster.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I agree. Seems to be the consensus here. I need to ask for the help, or figure out how to get me and them there at the same time, while we’re all doing something good for us. Model good choices to them too…
I remember some times when I was looking forward to going to work to get some rest.
How wacked up is that?
So wacked up. And I am so happy you admitted that! I feel so much better!
I don’t know about you, but I know for me our local weather is wreaking havoc with my ability to be patient and regulated etc…I hate the dark and the cold and the snow and we’ve been surrounded by all three. I’m not a runner, but I imagine if I were and could not do it, added to the weather, would make me nuts. I second the Y…the Y at Pineland in New Gloucester also has a warm water therapeutic pool which a-is warm; and b-is a nice small pool which is excellent for the kids. We went the other day and I felt better afterwards..despite having to go out in the sub-zero wind chill to get there. Be kind to yourself while finding equilibrium….
GREAT suggestions. And yes the weather! Another friend reminded me about the planets too. Just full on hard for a lot of people this week.. And I will try to be kind(to myself) too. Thank you.