Am I pushing the first mom piece too far?
Have you ever embraced a parenting strategy, or approach to raising your child that seemed to be such a great idea, you couldn’t imagine why everyone didn’t praise your good judgment?In the first five years of my mamahood I have felt rather adamant about a few such discoveries including; sling wearing, sleep training, “Magic 1-2-3“, formula is best, nursing is best, co-sleeping, organic produce, water filters, providing children with choices.
But lately I’ve been thinking that there is a much larger premise I have assumed was the right choice for Sam, (my six year old son, adopted transracially and domestically at birth) that I question now. I believe that incorporating his birth story into our lives with frequency and normalcy is the key to his successful identity formation in the long-term. But, lately I have been wondering if I don’t take it too far sometimes. Is there a too far?
Take for example this story. Sam is on the floor, playing with a new toy he got on his birthday.“Mom? Do you see my bus go by your school every morning?”
“I don’t think so, baby. The road is on the other side of my building. Why?” I answer with little thought.
“Uh. Just because everyday when it goes by, I blow you a kiss, and tell you that I love you, “ he answers without looking up. What transpired afterwords was an awful lot of loving from me, and a few happy tears.
Later that afternoon, I had a very different response. I wondered if I have worked so hard to create a space for Sam to love both his first mom (birthmom) and me, that I in some ways fail to definitively claim the space of everyday MOM for him and me.
To read more of my thoughts on this, and hopefully to add yours please go to the rest of the post at Mixed and Happy which will be appearing today, Tuesday.