Leaving for the airport in a couple of hours.
Was just in the bathroom crying, away from the kids. Realizing this is much harder than I thought it would be, for me. (I am not the crying in the bathroom type. In case you hadn’t gathered that.) I have to let go of control over their world for a few days. I have so much of my identity wrapped into being their mom. Now, at the Mom Congress for a few days, not just a few hours, I will be showing up as an advocate for all kids, as a professional, as the educator and facilitator that I am. We’ll all thrive in this temporary shift, because that’s what happens when we take risks, right?
Cuddling with Marcel this morning , tears welled up as Marcel was pleading with me to; “get one more airplane ticket, puhlease.” Then Sam, the balancer (but Marcel is the libra) says upon waking; “Mom, we’ll be here when you get back. It’s OK if you want to call if you miss us.” When my mom went away for ten days when I was Marcel’s age, I was so angry that I didn’t speak to her for two days when she came back. Oh dear.
For Sam, the adoption related separation trigger may not be as evident so early on. I have followed all the guidelines I was given for prepping him, including months of lead time, and lots of reassurance that I’ll be returning in a few days. His teachers at school have promised to give him extra check-ins and reassurance. I reminded them that it may not look like missing me, it may look like a pail of dirt over a friend’s head. Sam suggested that we Skype on Monday. So, the laptop is coming. Uncle has been playing the “No Girls Allowed” card for after T-ball on Monday night. I don’t even want to know what that looks like. I have schedules, post-it’s, and itineraries strung like holiday lights around the house! Time for me to go huh?
Finally, thank you for all the well wishing emails of late, and to all of you who have signed on for the Mama C and the Boys email subscription, (see the button to your right). It is unquestionably inspiring to think that each time I post, this growing group of people will have it waiting for them in their mailbox, with a little Mama C ribbon on it!