A First and Second Mom First Down with Sam
Sam: What are you looking at?
Me: Oh. Nothing, I was just thinking about moving to somewhere warm one day.
Sam: (while tossing the Nerf football to me) To Africa?
Me: Is that where you want to go?
Sam: Yes. They have lots more brown skinned people there.
Me: Yes there are. But there are places to move that are much closer too-with lots more brown skinned people. Like…
Sam: Where my first mom lives. We can move there. We can move down the street.
Me: (fumbling the ball). Would that be where you’d like to live?
Sam: Then I could just walk to her house whenever I wanted to see her. She’d always be there.
Me: That would be nice wouldn’t it? If we lived near to her?
Sam: Yes. Then she’d have four kids. Why did she not want to have four? Why did she want you to have me?
Me: It was such a hard choice for her to make Sam. Her youngest was just a baby. She was all by herself. So, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to give you all the love, attention, time, care, and other things that you needed to grow up as healthy and happy as possible…
Sam: And that is when she called you?
Me: Kind of. She didn’t call me. She read about me in a story I wrote about how much I wanted to be a mommy. She liked the pictures, seeing the water, where we lived. She liked the mommy I was going to be. That’s when she picked me, and that’s when I became your mommy.
Sam: No. You became my other mommy. She is my first mommy. But, I still don’t know why she made that decision. I think she really wants me to be living with her now.
Me: Does it feel that way?
Sam: (beaming that ball at me with the force of an NFL quarterback.) Can we stop talking about this now?
Me: Sure. Can I say one last thing?
Me. I love it when you bring up your first mom, and all of your thinking and wondering about her. You can ask me, or tell me anything that you want to.
Sam: I know mom.
A new book I was told about, that I haven’t read yet; Talking to Young Children About Adoption. My dear friend who told me about the book said; “you don’t even need this.” Well as nice a thought as that is, I am sure I’ll find comfort and new information in it no matter how much practice l we have over here. I will say this, my feelings about being “second mom” and not the “only” mom have gone through a dramatic shift of late. I imagine being inside his head and heart and I just want to make it as easy and open as possible. The “it” being the conversations and the relationship with his first mom.