Yesterday I missed a birthday party. Not because of a fever, a flat tire, or a family matter, but because in my head it was today. I had the invite taped to the front of my desk area. I had read the word Saturday at least fifteen times. And it was one Sam was really looking forward to. We all were. He handled it well. I’m making it up to him with a trip to the open skate at the arena down the road this afternoon.
I just left my keys at the grocery store, and walked all the way home with Marcel all pleased with my carbon footprint reduction efforts. Now I have to find my spare key, and drive back.
My natural ability to hold things in a que in my head from least to greater importance, assisted by lists and calendars cross referenced is breaking down.
I am doing too much.
I don’t have anything I feel able to let go of. Parenting full time, teaching full time, writing every other time. Maintaining a home, being a landlady, connecting with friends in a meaningful way, and taking a graduate class, are on that list too. Calling my parents and being present for the conversation. Having no idea what could go-well that is always a sign of imminent illness around the corner, or the accident waiting to happen.
Last time it was a broken toe-that forced me to slow down. Or was it that kidney stone that forced me to stay in bed, and do nothing but wince.
I am thankful that I am noticing the signs this time.