Oh so brave (a post from all four of us)
Because of how brave Ruby was…
I hate getting on planes. I’m going to be brave today, by getting on that plane. This made me think about the picture (above) that I took earlier this week of Marcel superimposed next to the famous Rockwell of Ruby Bridges. I explained to him how brave she was over fifty years ago, to go into a school where she was the first brown skin student “invited” to study. (I framed it in terms of how brown skin kids did not have the same choices about where to go to school as creamy colored kids did. ) So today in honor of Memorial Day, and our trip in a few hours to Washington, DC, the Martin Luther King Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, the Air and Space and our walk by President Obama’s house.. I thought I’d ask my family, and you what it means to you to be brave today.
Marcel: Going to a new school, and doing new things. I’m going to be brave by going to a new school next year.
Sam: Making new friends. They are hard to pick because you just met them, and you don’t know if they are going to be a good friend or not. A good friend is one who involves me in stuff.
Shrek: It is brave to believe that I am your cup of tea. Not just you. All three of you. It is not about being afraid of messing it up, it’s about realizing I don’t need to contain or diminish what is here to figure out how I fit in. But that I get to just be part of something that is already thriving and flourishing and vibrant and? It is brave to be part of something that is both traditional and non traditional, and in some ways it is not what I thought I was prepared for. (I appeared much more non traditional at first. As Shrek became more embedded in all things Mama C, other more traditional parts emerged–like me talking about wanting to get married one day. This was for the record–a very cool conversation for us to have this morning. And it certainly took my mind off those jet engines.)
Me: It is brave to keep seeing the container I have worked so hard to make to hold my family and me safely in the world is just not the right size anymore. I got damn comfortable, and “good at” being Mama C and the Boys in practice and theory. My entire identity in the last eight years has been built around doing this as a single mother. But, here I am looking at a table of four getting ready to go on a trip together to meet the extended family. We are sipping coffee, laughing, and writing a blog post together. What could possibly be brave about that?
OK dear readers how are you being brave today? What is it to be brave? Last week a new blogger I recently came across pushed “publish” on a post that was really hard to put out there. She took a huge risk. Yesterday one of Sam’s team mates who has had a really hard time getting a hit, came up to bat again. He nailed it. How brave is that?
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Thank you to my new subscribers this week! It is always a thrill to get that little email saying someone new has signed up to get the blog personally delivered to their email.
Wordless Wednesday (Marcel’s first REAL hair cut)
After dinner, when Roy was done cutting Sam’s hair–Marcel said; “MY TURN!”.
being very big boy still
We did it!
And in case you were trying to remember how it used to look…
two summers ago…
Mother’s Day feels a little hard this year.
Sammy was just reading this sweet book to Marcel. He is such an amazing reader. He is also a very deep and intuitive young man. With Mother’s Day approaching I asked him if he’d like to help me make or pick out a card for his first mom. His response; “Mommy I think she needs a break from you and me. Let’s just skip it. She’ll write us when she is ready.” For those of you who have not been following, the short version is that after a long distance open adoption for the last seven years-mainly through letters, and texts, Sam’s first mom “Tea” has been out of touch with us for almost a year. Despite numerous attempts to connect, to sort through what may have gone wrong, she has chosen not to respond. Sam is aware of her silence on many levels. As much as I try to shelter and protect him from the disappointment and hurt, there is only so much I can say. He is left with his own sorting out that I am rarely privy to.
I sent her a sweet, somewhat light, and very heart felt card to acknowledge all the amazing love we feel for her, and her family.
Sammy did not want to sign it.
It is his choice. It is her choice. It is still hard.
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For another particularly poignant piece on the subject of Mother’s Day and the adoptive parent in an open adoption relationship please see this post from See Theo Run.
Addendum: The next day. I received several off line emails since posting this. I gather from this response that folks are deeply concerned about my well being. Sam, one commenter said seems to be doing just great. Dear readers-I am fine. I just feel some deeply intense loss, and that loss is compounded by the presence of what is already, and has always been a complicated little day for me as a mother. Like many of you, reaching motherhood was not via the path I expected or imagined. There is no “better way”, or “easier way.” There is just the way one reaches it, if one is able in this lifetime to do so. As many of us know, there are no givens, even if as little girls and boys we are led to believe that parenthood is one big stop on the line, if you get on that bus…I am rambling. Clearly there is no such thing as a neat little post about something so BIG as Mother’s Day.
I am also really looking forward to celebrating with my kids. Shrek has been planning all sorts of lovely surprises with them which is ridiculously sweet. It is just that I hold the “event” of Mother’s Day in two very separate places, and was looking to acknowledge that here. Maybe my work is to integrate it all a little better.
I was looking over the pictures from the week, and noticed that there was something round about all of them. Perhaps it was the approaching supermoon last night, or just the way I am seeing the world today. In the “first at bat” photo, the round is hidden under our amazingly patient coach’s hand. Can you find them all?
We are doing beautifully today. After cooking us the most amazing biscuit and egg breakfast, Shrek is off playing baseball with the lads, so I can blog exercise. We have been doing some huge relationship growth stuff, and with that comes some big excitement about future collaborations… The coolest part? I am fully in this, and not freaking out about any of it. As he and I consider future plans, and progress I am feeling more and more confident and present in this relationship. How did that shift happen?
Life is magically full. To keeping it light and loving today. Enjoy your week, hope it is full of your own Supermoons!
